Wednesday, July 30, 2008

You Fokker!

Photobucket

My cousin LookRichBitch often writes about all the pretty things she wants to buy, so it's high time that I wrote about what I want.

The beautiful spectacles above were designed by Orgreen, a company from Denmark that crafts eyewear inspired by high-end race cars. The pair above is called the Fokker and was handmade in Japan. I tried them on last night at Market Optical and they fit like a dream. They look amazing on me and they really make my bone structure pop. The Fokker is made of titanium so it's extremely durable and very lightweight. I want the Fokker. Now!

The problem of course is money. The stupid Fokker costs a lot. Um, "a lot" as in about $750 (this includes lenses). I know that's probably too much to pay for a pair of glasses, but did I mention how good they look on me? Really, really good. It would be a crime not to accent my bone structure with these lovely frames.

If I were to buy a designer bag for that much, I would get a lot more approval, well maybe just from LookRichBitch. But still. And yes, that's two plugs in one post for LookRichBitch. Make that three.

I haven't indulged in a while, so I'll probably go to Market Optical after my next paycheck. I can't stop thinking about the Fokker!

I know that my birthday was last week, but won't someone buy me the Fokker?

Thursday, July 24, 2008

It's a Boy!

Photobucket

As a reminder to all my loyal readers, if you haven't bought me my birthday present yet, my 23rd birthday is tomorrow! Yes, tomorrow! It crept up on us, I know. And yes, I'm finally turning 23, and finally becoming a lady! Wait, what?

Back to presents! I've been making pretty outrageous demands for my birthday week. For instance, I want a live ostrich. And I want the ostrich to lay golden, jewel encrusted eggs. Bejeweled Ostrich Eggs for breakfast!

More ridiculous requests to come tomorrow.

Sexily Yours,

Kevin

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Portly Stranger

Photobucket

I find it amusing when unsuspecting people end up in my pictures. The corpulent gentleman standing behind me in the above photo is the perfect example. I just noticed him today as I was reviewing pictures from my recent visit to Chicago.

Who is this mysterious man and what is he doing in the picture? It appears he's having trouble removing one of his sandals. There are other shoes by his feet, so he's not alone. Why are none of his friends assisting him? And I wonder if he intends on removing his oversized t-shirt. Or maybe he will keep it on.

He reminds me of the fat boy from one of my favorite Onion videos who kept his shirt on in the pool to avoid being made fun of:


Fat Kid Successfully Avoids Ridicule By Swimming With Shirt On

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

OMG I HEART HSM3!

Photobucket

I am no longer with the times. I don't know when this happened, but it did. I'm getting older and I no longer know what's hip and cool with the kids. This became evident when I discovered not too long ago that "Hannah Montana" and Miley Cyrus are actually the same person. Yikes.

So, instead of following the footsteps of Drew Barrymore's character Josie Grossie from the late 90's classic "Never Been Kissed" and returning to high school disguised as a teenager to get with the times again, I decided to learn what's hip simply by chatting with a pre-teen. The coolest pre-teen I know is my niece Jules so I took advantage of a family get-together yesterday and got the scoop from her.

Here's what I learned:

- We heart the Jonas Brothers.
- The new Jonas Brother song is amazing.
- The eldest Jonas Brother is named Kevin.
- Watch Camp Rock on the Disney Channel.
- We can't wait for High School Musical 3.
- Ashley Tisdale is okay. Just okay.
- We like Zac Efron.
- We DO NOT like Allie Lohan. She is mean to her mom.
- We love Avatar.

The above statements are now my opinion too. I am cool again.

Friday, July 11, 2008

Summer Friday!

It's the first Summer Friday at work today. Hurrah! Freedom.

Please enjoy the following video -

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Hungry Hungry Hippo!

Photobucket

My coworker Peter sent this to me. It's insane!

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Too late to 'pologize!

Sorry for not having posted in a while. I was in Chicago for the long weekend and I haven't had very good blog material. That, and my creativity is ever decreasing as I continue to age - my birthday is in 2 weeks! Did you know that by the time you're 40 you will have 1% of the creativity you had when you were 5? Fascinating.

Actually, I'm not sure if that statistic is correct. I remember hearing a statistic similar to that in a college marketing class I took, but I don't remember the numbers exactly. It sounds about right though.

Speaking of 'pologizing, I've been trying to learn how to play the guitar in my free time this summer and I just learned how to play One Republic's Apologize. The fun thing is I made it acoustic and very emo. I can do a pretty decent cover of the song now. My goal is to turn the song folksy by the weekend.

Sunday, June 29, 2008

Pride Burns!

I experienced my first Pride this weekend and it was such a treat! I learned a very valuable lesson though. Don't wear v-necks when it's 90 degrees out.

Photobucket

What I don't understand is why the V isn't centered. Not that my body was completely symmetrical to begin with, but this certainly doesn't help. I was so worried about my arms getting a farmer's tan that I completely forgot that other parts of my body could get nasty tan lines too. Not to mention my neck. I'm a redneck now! I think I can embrace being a redneck though. I stopped by Safeway this afternoon and got a bag of deliciously fried Jo Jos for lunch. Mmm so greasy.

My nose is probably burnt the most. But it's also bruised. No, there were no girl fights, just drunken dancing.

A side note about Pride. I never realized how many gay men there are in Seattle! There were probably a lot of visitors from out of town, but it's still surprising!

Friday, June 27, 2008

These are a few of my favorite things

In the past few months, random strangers have stumbled across my blog through search engines by searching for the weirdest things. Here are some of my favorite search queries from the past few months that people have used to find my blog:

pazzo simply crazy shoes - simply crazy!

dog sadism - sicko.

how to stop old lady feeding pigeons in my neighbourhood - kill the pigeons

john bartlett black suit super 110 - what the hell?

cooking and nutrition sing-a-longs lyric - adorable! I hope they found what they were looking for.

pepperoni sticks pork-heart - I'm glad someone else was equally as grossed out that they had to go online to learn more.

ideal weight" "figure skating" formula russian - What?

male dior model workout - sorry, buddy, not gonna find that here.

how do you say cry in italian Pazzo - it's piangere, not pazzo. Pazzo means CRAZY!

i,m 69 inch male and 145 pounds am i fat - No you aren't! That's what I'm aspiring for!

sadism site:blogspot.com - Sicko!

man cleavage - Yes, you will find that here. Plenty of man cleavage for everyone!

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Almost Famous

My sister is famous! ...almost

Check out this recent article from the Seattle Times. My sister was interviewed and she revealed something pretty amusing about herself.


Why the doctor's scale gives us the chills

By Nicole Tsong

Seattle Times staff reporter

Karen Cheung likes to weigh herself first thing in the morning, pre-breakfast, sans clothes and alone. Sound familiar?

But at the doctor's office, with a weighing witness on hand, the same measures taken for accuracy, such as removing shoes and pulling change from pockets, can feel humiliating. There's also the tap-tap-tapping business of a balance scale that usually traps you into an unfortunate verdict.

"The doctor [weigh-in] is always more," said Seattleite Cheung, 24. "I just know it's three or four pounds off."

The doctor's office strips you down to your most naked, figuratively. For a brief moment, all the personal obsessing goes public, and the result is recorded for posterity. For whatever reasons, all that fumbling around, taking off shoes, jackets and more, never works out — it always seems as if there are a few extra pounds. And then, there are no redos unless you count next year.

There is an expert explanation for this weighty issue, with several factors contributing to weight fluctuation during the day. That's helpful for people like Cheung who know what their real weight is, but people living on Planet Denial might have to face the scale.

"I don't know people necessarily weigh themselves regularly," said Bonnie Taub-Dix, a registered dietitian in New York and spokeswoman for the American Dietetic Association. "I have patients who weigh themselves when they go to the doctor's once a year. They're shocked when they see they've gained 10 pounds over a year."

Wait! I've got a false tooth!

Sandra Stufflebeam, a certified medical assistant at Minor & James Medical in Seattle, tries to help the mildly insecure feel better about obsessing over the weigh-in. A bad outcome can mess with your head.

She jokes with patients as they strip accessories that it's "Naked Friday." She tells women that mascara and lotion add pounds, their underwear is made of lead and jeans are heavy.

"I try to have them take off as much as they legally can in the hallway," she said.

People regularly set down bags and take off shoes; she has even seen men take off belts. They also pull out wallets and keys, and she had one patient remove his watch and glasses.

"Men, they try to suck it in like it's going to go somewhere," she said.

Some patients plan ahead. Rhondalei Gabuat, of Renton, once had a routine on the day of a doctor's appointment: The 28-year-old used the restroom beforehand, ate sparingly and wore light clothing and flip flops.

Gabuat no longer focuses as much on the trip to the scale during a doctor's visit. Now, results sometimes compel her into monitoring her weight more.

"The last time I got weighed, I didn't feel heavier, but the number on the scale made a difference," she said.

Your permanent record

Bridget Haney, 52, of Bremerton, said she doesn't always remember what she weighs when she gets on a scale at home. But the doctor's record feels permanent.

"It's good if you're making progress, then you see that," she said. "It's more a reality check because somebody else is weighing you."

But that number usually isn't enough to persuade her to change the way she eats and exercises.

"I suppose if I were having health issues or the doctor said you really need to lose weight, I might, but nobody's said that so far."

The weigh-in affects how you feel about yourself, though more for some than others, said Taub-Dix.

"It can have a strong psychological impact from the number on the scale," she said.

Our ups and downs

Weight fluctuates for several reasons, experts say, but it also helps to know what your base weight typically is.

Clothing, time of day, when you use the bathroom, water weight and hormones all play into weight change during the day.

"There are things you may have to take into consideration," Taub-Dix said. "Did you eat a very salty meal the day before, or a pickle? Sodium will have an effect on your weight because it causes fluid retention."

The scale also could be the culprit. Unless you know your doctor has the scale calibrated consistently, it's possible the scale is off.

But finding out more by regularly stepping on a scale at home is the most reliable way to track yourself, whether you're maintaining your current weight or trying to lose. At home, you can control time of day and what you're wearing.

Some people do well with daily weigh-ins, while others prefer once a week. Make sure to keep it reasonable so it works for you, experts say.

Cheung adds more accountability to her routine with another witness — a friend. They meet once a week for weigh-ins.

"We share," she said. "We're supposed to be in this together. We need to keep each other on track."

Now at the doctor's office, instead of fretting like she did when she was younger, she puts down her handbag and steps on.

"I kind of already know approximately what it's going to be, so it's not really a shock," she said.

The other alternative is saying no to the doctor's scale. You're allowed. Weighing is not supposed to be traumatic.

"It should be a confirmation, not a reprimand," said Taub-Dix.


http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/health/2008006557_doctorscale220.html

Summer Fridays!

Hot damn! A new "Summer Fridays" policy was just implemented which will allow us to get out of work early on Fridays at 2:00. It will take effect July 4th through Labor day. Hurrah!

Monday, June 23, 2008

Give me your calories!

My coworker Peter warns me that the following video is the reason that I need to gain weight. I think he's right.

Friday, June 20, 2008

Have your cake

Photobucket

The cake shown above was purchased from two pleasantly plump ladies who sell their baked goods at the Issaquah farmer's market. This is the second cake we bought from them and it was just as delicious as the first. Surprisingly, the cake lasted about 5 days.

I want more!

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Hot Damn!



I need to even out my farmer's tan so this better be accurate!

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Tick Tock Tick Tock




Some of you have already been warned about my newly developed bad habit, but I'll let the rest of you in on it so that you can take the necessary precautions.

My new bad habit involves Madonna's song 4 Minutes. A few times during the song, Madonna sings "Tick Tock, Tick Tock, Tick Tock". So naturally, every time she sings this, I raise both of my index fingers and wave them back and forth to the "tick tocks". Now, this may all seem like harmless fun, but things become dangerous when I'm doing this while I'm driving. Whenever 4 Minutes comes on the radio and it gets to that part of the song, both of my hands naturally come off the wheel and my fingers can't help but tick and tock. It's very unsafe and I feel like a hazard. I really can't help it though.

I don't know if I should attribute this behavior to being gay or to being a bad driver. I'm guessing it's a horrible combination.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Fishy!

My goldfish plant finally started flowering. Hurrah!

Photobucket

Monday, June 16, 2008

Meow

We brought our new cat home this weekend! Her name is Turnip and she's adorable. She's still very shy and getting used to her new environment. Turnip started warming up a little yesterday.

Photobucket
Special delivery!

Photobucket
Surprise!

Photobucket
Meow..

Photobucket
Eat it!

Our allergies have been okay so far.

Friday, June 13, 2008

Friday the 13th

Today is Friday the 13th! I'm wildly superstitious, as most of you know, and the first bad things has happened to me already. The deli that I buy my breakfast burritos from has closed... until August.

This is the nightmare of my life. Those breakfast burritos are disgustingly delicious with their greasy hash browns, eggs, sausage and cheese. What ever will I do? I hope this day doesn't get any worse.

This is most inauspicious.

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Trousers

I wore trousers and a collared shirt to work today since I'm going to my cousin's graduation ceremony tonight. Thank you to AR for pointing out how "fabulous" my ass looks in the trousers. I just went to the bathroom to take a look for myself and she's right, my ass is looking especially perky today. Wonderful. Perhaps I should wear trousers more.

Yes, I like the word trouser.

Trouser.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

I love Onions


Diet Book Author Advocates New 'No Food Diet'

This video is very relevant to my weight gain diet. I should do exactly the opposite. I'm gnawing on my highly caloric coworker right now.

Where are you?

Site visitors world map