It's NOT poppin'

I went to the drug store this weekend to buy some lip balm for my crackly lips. There were too many choices. So naturally, I picked the most expensive one, Burt's Bees, assuming that I would get what I paid for in quality.

I want my money back because the lip balm tastes like bathroom. Seriously, bathroom. I don't care that it's made with natural ingredients and that the tube contains 50% post-industrial recycled plastic. Who's going to kiss my well-moisturized lips for New Years if they taste like bathroom? I'm writing a letter.